By Shaykh Muzzammil Ahmad
15 November 2024

﷽

In our modern world, where individualism often trumps community and the nuclear family model dominates societal structures, we find ourselves increasingly disconnected from our extended families. During this week’s Khutbah, I spoke about the disconnection which runs counter to Islamic teachings and threatens the very fabric of our community and well-being.

Allah reminds us in the Qur’an:

O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the ties of kinship

[Surah An-Nisa, 4:1]

This verse links Taqwa (God-consciousness) directly with maintaining family ties, suggesting that our relationship with Allah is intrinsically connected to how we treat our relatives.

During my recent visit to the United States, I witnessed first-hand the beautiful impact of multigenerational living. My parents live with one of my siblings, and observing their household dynamics reinforced what research has long confirmed - the remarkable positive impact of multigenerational living on children. They benefit from the wisdom, love, and guidance of their grandparents – a relationship that proves invaluable for their emotional and spiritual development.

This observation reminded me of how the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ interacted with his grandchildren, Hassan and Hussain. The hadith literature is rich with accounts of his direct involvement in their upbringing. In one particularly touching narration, when someone expressed surprise at the Prophet ﷺ kissing his grandchildren, he responded, “If Allah has removed mercy from your heart, what can I do about it?”

The modern concept of the nuclear family, which emerged in the early 1900s, has inadvertently contributed to the fragmentation of our extended family networks. Research shows that the traditional village model, where extended families share child-rearing responsibilities, actually leads to reduced stress among couples and better mental health outcomes for children.

The Prophet ﷺ emphasised the significance of maintaining family ties when he said:

Whoever would like their provision to be increased and their life to be extended should maintain good relations with their kin.

[Bukhari]

This Hadith offers both spiritual and practical wisdom – when we maintain strong family bonds, we create support networks that enhance our quality of life and emotional well-being.

However, I often encounter questions about maintaining family ties in challenging circumstances. What if relatives have cut us off? The Prophet ﷺ addressed this directly, saying:

The person who perfectly maintains family ties is not the one who reciprocates. Rather, it is the one who maintains ties when others cut them off.

[Bukhari]

This teaches us that the responsibility to maintain family bonds remains even when others fail to reciprocate.

Still more challenging is dealing with relatives who treat us unjustly. A man once approached the Prophet ﷺ with this very concern, saying he maintained ties while his relatives cut them and showed kindness while they showed harshness. The Prophet ﷺ responded that by maintaining kindness in such circumstances, it was as if he were feeding them hot ashes, and Allah would appoint an angel to support him as long as he maintained this righteous path.

In our current times, where social media often replaces real connection and digital communication substitutes for physical presence, we must make conscious efforts to strengthen our family bonds. This might mean regular family gatherings, supporting relatives during difficulties, or simply maintaining consistent communication.

The Qur’anic description of spouses as “clothing for one another” [Surah Baqarah, 2:187] extends metaphorically to how we should protect and beautify our family relationships. Just as clothing protects and adorns, our relationships should provide protection, comfort, and enhancement to each other’s lives.

As we navigate these fragmented times, let us remember that strong family ties are not just a cultural preference but a feature of our religion mandated by Allah. The Prophet ﷺ warned,

The person who severs family ties will not enter Paradise.

[Bukhari]

This stark reminder emphasises the gravity of maintaining family bonds in Islamic teaching.

We pray to Allah for His help and support in striving to rebuild and strengthen our extended family networks, understanding that this strengthens not only our individual families but our entire community. In doing so, we seek to fulfil a key command of Allah, earn the pleasure of the Almighty, and create more resilient, supportive, and loving communities for future generations. 

May Allah guide us in maintaining our family ties, grant us patience in dealing with family challenges, and make us among those who enter Paradise through the gates of maintaining kinship. 

Ameen.

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