By Shaykh Mustafa Abdulla
4 July 2026

﷽ 

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, every sound upbringing begins in one place: the relationship between a child and Allah.

When a child's heart is built upon the love of Allah, upon glorifying Him and holding Him in awe, that child does not waver when the trials of life come. But look at our children today. Good is at their fingertips, and so is bad, right in front of their eyes, and it is everywhere. If Allah is not part of their lives, how will they deal with all the confusion and misconceptions that spread so fast around them?

This is why the Prophet ﷺ gave us a hadith you and I know well. He said that when a person dies, their deeds come to an end except for three: ongoing charity, knowledge from which others benefit, and a righteous child who prays for them.

Notice something. Each of those three needs a good person behind it. And notice how the Prophet ﷺ mentioned a righteous child. Because this child is the next generation, the one who takes over from you and me. And this child is the one who will still be praying for us long after we are gone.

Think about how often the Qur'an mentions the fathers, the ancestors. It is not just about a man having forefathers. It is about goodness being passed down from one generation to the next. Look at what Ibrahim عليه السلام taught his children, and how it still benefits you and me today. This is why Allah teaches us, whenever we read the Qur'an, to say of our parents:

Where does a du'a like that come from, if not from a righteous upbringing?

The Environment Our Children Live In

Now here is one of the most important points, especially for Muslim families in the West, though not only here. We struggle with one thing above all when it comes to raising our children: the environment they are exposed to.

Look around when they go to school. When they go to madrasa in the evening or at the weekend. Look at their communities, their friends, the ideas placed in their minds. Who is surrounding them? Who is talking to them? What ideologies, what misconceptions, what information is being poured into them from every direction?

And with technology, as useful as it is, we all know it is also one of the biggest sources of corruption. A child reaches twelve or thirteen, sometimes younger, and we give them a phone. Now they can access anything. You can switch off the internet at home, you can limit the data, but they still have that device in their hands.

So we can blame the environment, and yes, the environment plays a part. But do not forget where the responsibility truly falls. It falls on you and me. When Adam عليه السلام had his children, it was his responsibility to raise them. The Prophet ﷺ said:

Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be questioned about his flock.

A man is a shepherd, and it begins in his own home. The wife who needs his attention. The children who need a father present in the house. You know the scene well. When the children are at school, the home is calm. From the moment they return until they go to bed, the mother is calling, correcting, calling again, because so often they will not listen. But when the father walks in from work, something changes. Homework is done. Beds are ready. Dinner is eaten. Not because the father is harsh, but because the father is there, and he understands that he is a shepherd.

The Secret of Luqman

There is a story in the Qur'an I want to share. Most scholars say Luqman was not a prophet. He was a righteous servant of Allah, and Allah placed his story in the Qur'an so that you and I would have the example of a man who was not a prophet, and still Allah preserved his wisdom for us.

Luqman was a shepherd. One day, as he was with his flock, a man passed by and asked him, "Are you the one people talk about? What is it about you? People come to you, they respect you, they try to live as you live. What is the secret?"

Luqman answered in very few words. He said the secret was this: I lower my gaze, I guard my tongue, and I guard my chastity. I keep my trusts and do not betray them. I honour my guests, and I keep good ties with my neighbours.

Take that in, especially the young ones among us. Lower the gaze. Guard the tongue. Keep your trust. Honour your guests. Be good to your neighbour. These are the simplest manners in Islam, and they are exactly what is being lost today. And when they are lost, what comes in their place is selfishness, stinginess, and people forgetting where they came from. Do we need anything more than this?

Lead By Example, Not By Instruction

I will leave you with this. Sincere leadership begins with personal example, before a single word of instruction.

How does that work? You cannot tell a young man to pull up his trousers while yours drag along the floor. You cannot tell a young woman to wear her hijab while you do not wear yours. You cannot tell your children to wake for Fajr while you stay in your bed. Why do we blame them, while forgetting ourselves?

Look at the Prophet ﷺ at Hudaybiyyah. It was a difficult moment, and the Companions were struggling with the terms of the treaty. When he told them to sacrifice and shave their heads, they did not move. So what did he do? He got up, sacrificed his own animal, and had his own head shaved first, before any of them. And then they followed. That was the love they had for him, and that is how they learned, from what he did, not just from what he said.

We as parents, myself included, have to be the example we want our children to follow.

Let me tell you about a father who came to me. He said, "For more than six days now, I have sat down to read Qur'an, and my son will not sit with me. When I tell him to read, he tells me to read on my own." I asked him one question: what is your relationship with your son? He explained that he had sent his son to boarding school, that his son had memorised the Qur'an, that he had been taught his deen. But for the past sixteen years, this father had been busy with his business. Busy from six in the morning to nine at night, more than twelve hours a day. He became rich in his business and poor to his children.

When I spoke to the young man, he said, "My father has not been there for sixteen years. How can I listen to him now?" You cannot mend in six days a relationship you neglected for sixteen years.

Our children need us. Leave with this today: we have to be the example they can follow. That is the only way a society moves forward. So take up your responsibility.

O Allah, make us shepherds who are faithful to the flock You have placed in our care. Make our homes places where You are loved and glorified. Grant us righteous children who will pray for us long after we are gone, and let us be the example they can follow with pride.

Ameen.

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