By Shaykh Anisul Haque
25 October 2024

﷽

During the reign of ‘Umar ibn Al Khattab RA, an incident took place where a man came to him complaining about his son's disobedience. After hearing this, it angered ‘Umar RA so he summoned the boy and spoke of his disobedience to his father and his neglect of his rights. The boy replied:

“O Ameer al-Mu‘mineen (Prince of believers)! Hasn’t a child rights over his father?”

“Certainly,” replied ‘Umar. So the boy asked, “What are these rights, oh Ameer al-Mu‘mineen?”

Dear brothers and sisters, in this week’s khutbah, as a follow-up on a previous sermon on the rights of parents, I addressed the congregation about the rights of the children, which ‘Umar RA beautifully highlighted.

When ‘Umar RA responded to the young man’s question, his answer was profound and yet simple: “That he should choose his mother, give him a good name, and teach him the Book (the Qur’an),” said ‘Umar RA listing the rights of the child. The boy replied saying: “O Ameer al-Mu‘mineen! My father did nothing of this. My mother was a Magian (fire worshipper). He gave me the name of Julalaan (meaning dung beetle), and he did not teach me a single letter of the Qur’an.”

‘Umar’s subsequent words to the father resonate deeply with me: “You have come to me to complain about the disobedience of your son. You have failed in your duty to him before he has failed in his duty to you.” The response of ‘Umar RA carries great wisdom that we must reflect upon today.

Wealth and children are the adornment of this worldly life, but the everlasting good deeds are far better with your Lord in reward and in hope.

[Surah Al-Kahf, 18:46]

Indeed, brothers and sisters, Allah has blessed many of us with children, describing them in Surah Kahf as “adornments of the worldly life.” However, with this blessing comes great responsibility. Allah reminds us in the Qur’an:

Indeed, your wealth and your children are a trial for you.

[At-Taghabun, 64:15]

This trial manifests in various ways – sometimes, our love for them might blind us from the worship of Allah, as He warns us:

O believers! Do not let your wealth or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. For whoever does so, it is they who are the [true] losers.

[Al-Munafiqun, 63:9]

Just yesterday, I encountered a deeply troubling situation when a mother came to me seeking advice about her teenage daughter who had not only distanced herself from the religion but had completely left Islam – Wallahul Musta‘aan. This is not an isolated incident – I frequently counsel parents facing similar challenges with their children who have strayed far from their faith. While external factors like peer influence play their part, we cannot ignore the role of parental negligence in such situations.

The rights of children in Islam can be divided into three crucial stages: rights before birth, rights before maturity, and rights after maturity. 

The first and most fundamental right, as ‘Umar RA mentioned, is chooing a righteous spouse. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ emphasised this, saying “Choose the one who is righteous,” adding “may you prosper.”

The choice of a mother is crucial because she will be the primary nurturer of the child in their early years. It’s not the evening madrasah teacher who spends two hours with the child, nor the shaykh who meets them weekly, but the mother who shapes their early development. Similarly, our sisters must be careful in choosing their life partners, as these men will be significant influences in the lives of their children.

When searching for a marriage partner, I advise our young people to consider the future, not just the present. There is a famous legal maxim that scholars consider: النظر في المآلات – considering the future outcomes of a situation. While this principle is typically applied to juristic rulings, it holds valuable wisdom for choosing a life partner who will be the primary nurturer of your future children.

Another fundamental right is the choosing of a good name. Our Prophet ﷺ said, “On the Day of Resurrection, you will be called by your names and by your father’s names, so give yourselves good names.” Yet, I've noticed a troubling trend where parents choose names based on how ‘unique’ they sound, sometimes even randomly selecting words from the Qur’an – Wallahul Musta‘aan. As the great Ibn Al Qayyim, rahimahullah (died 751 AH/1350 CE) said, names have meanings that inevitably affect those who carry them.

Perhaps the most comprehensive right is what we call husn al-tarbiyah – good upbringing. This involves nurturing children upon sound Islamic creed and identity. Unfortunately, many young couples today have fallen into the trap of following cultural practices that are in fashion, celebrating non-Islamic occasions with their children. This blurs the lines between truth and falsehood in the minds of young people, often leading them away from their religion.

In my years as an imam, I've observed that we often limit our understanding of tarbiyah to merely ta‘leem (education). However, ta‘leem is just one element of tarbiyah, not its entirety. True tarbiyah encompasses creating an Islamic environment within our homes. When children see their father attending the masjid five times daily or their mother regularly reciting Qur’an, these actions teach Islamic values more effectively than any formal lesson.

The Prophet ﷺ commanded us:

Be kind to your children, and perfect their manners.

[Ibn Majah]

His own example shows us the importance of showing love and compassion to children. There’s a beautiful hadith where he prolonged his prostration because his grandson was riding on his back, saying he didn’t want to rush the child before he had finished playing.

Part of being kind to our children includes acknowledging their efforts, not just their achievements. When a child doesn’t achieve the highest grade or win first place in a competition, recognising and rewarding their hard work can have a profound impact on their development and their appreciation for their parents.

Another aspect that I feel compelled to address is the treatment of sons- and daughters-in-law. When your children marry, their spouses become part of your family. Treat your daughter-in-law as your own daughter and your son-in-law as your own son. Many family conflicts I mediate stem from poor relationships between in-laws. Remember that mistreating your child’s spouse often leads to conflict with your own child.

Ibn ‘Umar RA beautifully stated,

Just as your father has rights over you, so too your child has rights over you.

This reminds us that rights and responsibilities in Islam are reciprocal. When we fulfil our children’s rights with sincerity and consciousness of Allah, we lay the foundation for generations that will carry forward the message of Islam with confidence and understanding.

May Allah help us fulfil these rights and responsibilities, and make our children the coolness of our eyes. May He guide us to be the best nurturers for our children, following the example of our beloved Prophet ﷺ. May He allow us to create homes filled with love, understanding, and strong Islamic values. And may He protect our children from all harm and guide them to be among the righteous.

Ameen.

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